I have often heard people talk woefully of “another failed relationship” as the curtain draws down on their current romantic engagement. The coupling may have lasted a few months, a year or a few years – it doesn’t matter as the testament to failure may still be recorded. To me, one of the great implications in this statement is that a successful relationship is one that lasts for eternity, one that has reached that mystical place of perfection and completion where no further growth, attention or commitment is necessary. A place sheltered from the often tempestuous and always uncertain ways of life. A place of ultimate security, comfort and stability. That is, certainty. How can a relationship truly be successful, for both parties and the greater community, if this is the underlying motivation and even expectation? Where is the joy in this? This idea of success can lead only to stagnation and usually creates what it wishes to avoid – failure. For me however, there is no failure, in relationships or in the wider and deeper sense when considering us as individuals.
Like all things in life, relationships are transitory in nature, changing as we do, each becoming a clear outer reflection of our changing inner world. This may mean changing partners, at numerous points throughout life to fit with the current exploration of our expanding sense of who we are. It may also mean changing within a relationship with the same person. Sometimes this works and sometimes its simply time to move on. Relationship is always a field of opportunity to try on new ways of being. This does not mean that I do not believe in the possibility of eventually meeting that life partner with which there is a most perfect and seamless fit. I suspect that when each of us reaches the point at which we are clear and solid in our own knowing of who we are, then naturally we will attract our counterpart. Once we find that place of inner harmony with ourselves, of being complete within ourselves, then surely a delightful and joyous harmony with another will be possible, and easy, if we so wish it. However, there are no rules to this and each individual’s experience is different. Some will experience many relationships, learning from many diverse experiences, whereas others will settle into a happy union early on. Again, there can be no universal measurement of success for all. Comparison, and its partner expectation, bring only suffering and pain.
